Appointment burnout?

It's a beautiful morning here today.  Not too bad as we approach March.  I must say that I am grateful thus far for the weather we have had here in Canada this Winter.  It could be so much worse.

It helps to have really good weather when you must leave the house to go to appointments - and yes, lots of them.  Well, that's what it feels like lately - I schedule my life around my appointments.  Play dates for my son have to be penciled in around 'our' appointments.

My son is now 3 and still isn't talking, so he is in individualized speech therapy, one on one.  And then we have pediatrician appointments, which I might add, I am very happy that they have recently stretched his appointments to every 4 months now.  Before, it was every month.  So - I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Then, there are my appointments - Endocrinologist, Rheumatologist, Diabetes Education team...but I think it all starts in January for me every year  as it is a time of new beginnings, so to speak, but that does not take away from the fact that I do believe that from time to time, I feel a little bit of the 'appointment burnout'.  Well, if that leaves my Summer months less congested, then I am thankful.

I started seeing a new Endocrinologist in December.  I have gone through several tests, and must be thankful that she has put me through the tests, even though it isn't all that enjoyable.  I have had constant pain and stiffness for a very long time, and well, I have suffered fatigue for most of my adult life, since my teenage years.  And it was so frustrating to me, to go to every doctor who has either discounted it for my Diabetes, my Hypothyroidism or my POI being the culprit.  Easy enough to say, but I live in this body.  I know this isn't some side effect of my other issues.  Yes there are days where I feel miserable and I can see that it's a high blood sugar.  But, his has been an underlying thing for me for what feels like forever.  And frankly, I do not feel that on a 'good day' of great blood sugars, thyroid in check because of the right dosage of meds, that I should still feel a lack of motivation, live in a constant fog, and feel this way - I am too young for this!  There are so many things my brain wants to do, but my body just will not follow.

My visit to the Rheumatologist surprised me.  I went thinking to myself, "Ugh, why am I even going to this appointment?"  I felt it was just another appointment to take away from my day, take up my time, and get nowhere with the results.  I have been  doing this for so long that I felt that this was how it was going to be.

After consulting with the student doctor for well over 45 minutes, and then meeting with the head Rheumatologist, and being poked and prodded all over.  The Rheumatologist came in with a binder.  Inside the binder, as he started to flip the pages, the content looked all too familiar.  What was the content?  It explained a condition called, Fibromyalgia - also known as Chronic Pain Syndrome.

So, I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  As I told my husband - "another notch in my belt"....and I am really trying to figure out how to feel about all this.  I was surprised, yes.  Do I feel relieved yet?  No....I am grateful there is a name for what I am going through.  But, I do wish that there were some magic pill I could pop (similar to how you handle Hypothyroidism) to fix this - but there isn't.  And I think that's where I am confused as to how to feel about it all.  I mean, I have been living with this for so long now - but was hoping to 'fix it', not just name it.

And so, it leaves me here, for this moment.  Not sure how to feel.  Not sure if I am in denial or shock.  Or if I have finally come to a time where the appointments can stop for a while, and I can just rest, and be okay with living in this body.  It's the only option I have.