The place to find my peace

I find myself 'strolling' in here tonight because I feel overwhelmed.  I find it quite annoying when I step out of being present and my brain takes me on a ride with all the thoughts that run through.  I sometimes feel as though I am smothering in my own thoughts, so I need to process in a healthy manner.  Writing works for me - it always has.

I have my Endocrinologist appointment tomorrow and with that appointment, brings a lot of thoughts for me.  It's my 'wake up call' appointment, my 'reminder of how I am not perfect' appointment, my 'reality' appointment....my life.  The reminder of the things I sometimes just want to forget.  But, I can't.  It's back to all the things I want to 'evict' from my body, but I have to learn to coexist with.

My thoughts go to the fact that I will have to discuss my newly diagnosed Fibromyalgia with her, then my thyroid levels, then how my latest A1C is (which brings a little anxiety as I do not want to be disappointed with my efforts) and then, I am supposed to bring the decision to the table.  One that I have put off for months now - whether I want to start Hormone Replacement therapy or not.  All the while, I am trying to accept being 'broken', not being able to have a sibling for my son.  Yes, some may call it feeling sorry for myself, but I call it my reality, and darn it, there are some days I really am just very sad about it all.  I cannot be strong all the time, and this is my place to come to release it all, hoping to get back to finding peace.  Peace within myself.   I feel as though with all the appointments I go to, each doctor I see is for a separate issue.  However, I feel like whenever I go to my Endocrinologist appointments, it's the place where I go where all my issues go to 'collide' with one another, and frankly, I find it overwhelming.  I am used to dealing with things one at a time.  It's easier to cope that way.  But to throw it all in together, and stir it up , it saddens me...for the moment.

I know I am just having a day, and I know it will get better, but these hormonal rides I go on are sometimes not so fun, and I need to release it.  All the while, whoever may stumble upon this some night while searching for living with 'Type 1 Diabetes', 'Hypothyroidism', 'Fibromyalgia', or 'Premature Ovarian Failure', you have found it all here, welcome to my world.  But if it will help you in any way, to find some sort of familiarity with my release of vulnerability, then I have helped at least one person, and have a purpose.

Onward and upward....one day at a time.
Good Night.