This is a big step for me. I have contemplated starting a blog for a long time but have never gone all the way by doing it. So, here I am. I am the old fashioned, write in your journal until your hand hurts gal. On my 'off' days, I make sure to write until I can put down my book and fall fast asleep so I won't have to think of anything else.
Well, this blog is going to be more than that for me now. This will be the journal that I can give a link to close family and friends on the days when I am having a hard time emotionally - and when I am not in my 'happy go lucky, bubbly state'. This is where they can visit on the days when they think I may have disappeared off the face of the earth, when really, all I am doing is processing. Or trying to process. What I am processing are all the incredible emotions that come with the daily life of infertility and living with a chronic illness. And as easy as that may seem, it would be wonderful to be able to filter through those emotions without the added hormones, high blood sugars, antibodies and thyroid fluctuations that come with this body that I live in. My reason for sometimes 'disappearing' and just not wanting to talk about it. Talking about it sometimes is NOT what you need. Talking only reminds you more & also takes energy when I sometimes have none. It is so much easier to explain when typing rather than come out and saying it to someone, for fear of hurting another's feelings.
So, to all of you. This is the inner me. Welcome!
My intention is to not bring you down, but to inform you of the daily things I face in my life and within me. It is so much easier for me to sit here and type off the top of my head rather than to try to contact so many people and repeat my daily experiences for all who are concerned about the tests I am currently going through. And for those of you who are there for me and want to know how I am doing, I thank you. Thank you for being a wonderful part of my life & for caring about me. It means so much.
As for the chronic illness I am talking about, I have autoimmune disease. What is autoimmune disease? Well the short version definition would be:
A condition in which the body recognizes its own tissues as foreign and directs an immune response against them.
Yes folks...this means, in even shorter terms,that my body is attacking me.
So, as a result of this autoimmune disease, I have been diagnosed with the following:
-Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus (diagnosed October 1986)
-Hypothyroidism (diagnosed October 1986)
-Premature Ovarian Failure (November 2007)
I am currently going through further testing which are directed toward Lupus but not conclusive as of yet. I only have gotten 2 blood tests back that have shown positive for things, so I now have to go to a rheumatologist to complete the further testing necessary to find out what else my body has in store for me.
Today Cory and I went to Hamilton for more tests on my ovaries as my Premature Ovarian Failure is such a new diagnosis, I am still in the testing phases for that as well. Hamilton apparently has all the specialists available to us if there is any possibility of us having a baby someday. And if we do become pregnant, I will deliver there as McMaster has a neonatal unit. I would be considered a 'high risk' pregnancy, so they have to send me where they know I would be well taken care of.
Today was the fun pelvic ultrasound! A different experience that's for sure!
I woke up this morning to the sound of my cell phone as I have been using that as my alarm clock since the batteries in my clock died. I must say, the cell phone alarm is a lot louder and quite effective! I was up at 6:30am this morning to get ready. I wasn't given any instructions from the lab and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to drink water or not for my ultrasound, so I thought I'd better just to be on the safe side. I downed 32 ounces of water, ate my 30 grams of carbohydrate breakfast and then took a coffee to go. We were out of the house by approximately 8:10am and on our way to Hamilton. It was cold today, but a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the sky was so blue. Our drive was uneventful (the way I like it) and we made it to the clinic by 8:55am - not bad at all.
I first started off with my Day 3 blood work. That is where they measure my levels of hormones. And then off to the ultrasound room we went. I don't know - I just wanted Cory in the room with me. I am jealous, he got to see the screen, I didn't ha ha! Well, the procedure for the technician to count follicles on my ovaries felt like forever as I stared at the ceiling thinking "geez, they could have something more interesting to look at!" Cory sat on the other side of the room as I was poked and prodded at. It was painful at times, but not so bad. I think I had more pain once I got home. After effects I guess. So, basically, all I could get out of the technician was that she only found 3 follicles on my right ovary and had quite a difficult time finding my left ovary. I still don't know if she found it. So, to me, things do not look promising for us to have a child in our future. Such as life. For today anyway.
Well, I am tired - and I am working in the morning. I will go for now and try to keep this blog updated so that I can look back and see where the road will lead me.
Have a great night everyone! Keeping my chin up (:
Love Cindy xo
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment