And, it did pass.....and now on with this thing called LIFE!

Today is a new day, and I can certainly say, that even though I am looking out at some very cloudy/rainy weather, I do feel a bit better today.

I think the last 4 to 5 days must have been some sort of hormonal ride at the 'emotional wonderland' that I have been frequenting occasionally.

But, today, I woke up in a different state of mind, albeit a bit tired as well.

I will go into a bit of my thought process the last couple of days.  And I will say this to you - my experiences, by no means, are a way of me telling you to try ANY of what I do.  I merely try things myself to see what works best for me, and then I share my experience here.  Primarily, I like to share it because in the future, when I look back and read what I have wrote, I will know at that point if my choice or decision was the 'right' one for me.  I am not a doctor, nor do I plan to be, but I am going strictly on my intuition as I see it.  My body and I have quite the relationship, considering that I have had to be completely aware of all things for 24 years - or, since my diagnosis.

With all the questions surrounding my brain these last few days, I started to keep coming around to the same 'theme'.  Whatever reading I did, whether it was on a discussion forum, or my memories of everything that I have read in the past, up to just before I got pregnant,  I kept thinking Thyroid.  Even though my queries with myself were about Premature Ovarian Failure, my gut keeps telling me "Thyroid".  Call it crazy, but one piece of advice that I can be sure of, to my core, is that you must be your own advocate when it comes to your medical health.  Nobody else will do it for you.  Because of this - I have decided since well before 2005, to keep a copy of EVERY blood test I have had.  I request a copy from my doctor, and make sure I follow up to do so.  It is YOUR health, and YOUR results, so YOU are entitled to it.  I do sign a release form and I do pay a dollar to cover their "paper & ink costs" but the medical file I keep for myself is priceless.  I think about if I move, or if I must switch physicians for some reason, I can always keep a record for myself to show my past medical history, and without paying the hefty fees of having my files transferred if moving physicians. I find it even helps me to refer back to my file at times to see where my numbers were at a certain point in time.

This brings me to my thought process just the other evening.  I do know that my last few blood tests have come back showing that my Hypothyroidism is now really Hyperthyroidism, due to the medication amount that I am on.  Since my son was delivered, my Endocrinologist and I have discussed this issue, and it has been a choice of mine to keep it that way.  It puts my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) levels on the lower end of 'normal' (creating somewhat of a Hyperthyroidism situation), but it is okay to keep it that way as long as it does not affect the other two tests that pertain to the thyroid.  (Free T3 and Free T4)  These other two have remained within normal range, and I have felt comfortable, thus far, keeping my medications at this level.  You see, if I were to become pregnant - it is better for pregnancy success (without deformities etc.) if your Thyroid is on the Hyper end, than on the Hypo end, which is much more dangerous to a developing fetus.

With that said, my last few appointments with my Endocrinologist have been more about discussions on whether to lessen the dosage of my Thyroid medication.  She always asks the pertinent questions on whether or not I am experiencing any type of Hyperthyroid symptoms.  Things such as heart palpitations, jittery feelings, etc.  To each question, I always answer "No" and then express how important I feel it is that I stay on the same level of medications.  My reasoning is that: 1.If I were to get pregnant, the health of the fetus,  2. My energy levels get zapped enough with a 21 month old running around and I still have to nap, without the symptoms of fatigue from being too Hypo with my thyroid.

So, that's what the last few appointments have been like.  My last appointment was in August, which brings me to now, the end of October.  And due to the feelings and doubts I have been having about my inability to conceive, along with other things that I have been now experiencing, like feeling as though I cannot reach a deep sleep, and feel well rested, among other things, which may wholly be just hormones, but anxiety is coming along with it, and feeling overwhelmed..  I am feeling like it may be time for me to just reduce my thyroid medication by a small fraction.  So, it may not show on my next blood test, as I have to get that done the first week of November, but it will show again when I have to see my Endocrinologist in January 2011, or if I get pregnant.  Whatever one comes first.

I have been reviewing my TSH levels just prior to my getting pregnant back in 2008.  On February 11, 2008 through tests ordered by the fertility specialist I was seeing at the time, my TSH levels came back as 0.17 LO.  Levels are supposed to be between 0.35-5.00 MIU/L  It was shortly after all this testing, among many others to do with fertility, etc. I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure.

On March 3, 2008 - only 3 weeks later, with tests ordered by my Endocrinologist my TSH was at a normal level of 0.70.  Again, this put me back into the range of 0.35-5.00.

It was at the end of May 2008 that I became pregnant.  On June 9, 2008, when I had suspected that I was pregnant, I asked to have tests done again, showing that the gestational age of the baby was 1-2 weeks.  At that time, my TSH levels came in on the LO side, but close to normal range, at 0.32.

So, based on this information, the theory that I have come up with, in my mind - although it may not be medically correct, as said before, I am not a doctor, but this is what I truly do believe.  I mean, we have to believe in something, correct?  My thought processes have gone back a few years, thinking of the time that my Thyroid was so out of whack that I was suffering tremendously in many areas.  My cholesterol levels were even through the roof, and at my age, that was completely not normal.  I did not have bad eating habits.  But, I do remember a conversation with an old Family Physician of mine, and will never forget the words he said.  "Cindy, the Thyroid is like a car battery, without it, nothing works".  So with that, I worked on getting my thyroid back in order.  Little did I know at the time, the different type of medication I was on just wouldn't register well with my body.  So, years later, I demanded to be put back on the medication I grew up on.  And it worked.  (Again, you have to be your own advocate!)  My medications continue to work for me.

Okay, as I was saying....MY THEORY!

Now we are in the present.  My last TSH levels were showing as <0.05 with normal ranges being between 0.35-5.00.  Based on all the information I have gathered leading up to my first pregnancy, something is telling me that the 'car battery' aka Thyroid is interfering with many of my hormones, causing a misfire in sending it's signals out properly to get what may be the last egg available to fire out of my ovaries.  So, now, I am on the road to trying to get all things leveled out.  Enough of these excuses that I need my energy, etc.  What I need, is to get my Thyroid back in the 'normal' range, and see what happens.  It's my third day, and I have decreased my medications from 0.175mg down to 0.150mg.  Let's see what happens!  This may be the contributor of why I am also only getting my monthly visitor approximately every 4 months.  Hopefully, I am right - but something tells me I am.

Well, all I have to do now, is wait and see.  And if my theory proves correct, there will be lots of chatter going on in my medical community.  I have to find a way to get this Premature Ovarian Failure into 'remission'.  I can't just give up.  That's not me.....

I'll keep taking it one day at a time.....